Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task Example

ELTS Writing Task 2 Question

Topic:

In the digital age, technology companies collect vast amounts of user data to improve services. While some argue this enhances user experience, others believe it violates privacy. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Task Type: Discussion + Opinion Essay
Word Limit: 250+ words

Nowadays, tech companies gather a lot of personal information from users to make their services better. Some people say this helps to give good experiences, but others worry it invades privacy. I will talk about both sides and then give my opinion.

Firstly, collecting user data lets companies improve digital products. For example, when Netflix or YouTube see what users watch, they can recommend similar videos or movies. This saves time for users and makes the service more convenient. Also, data helps in health apps. Apps like Fitbit use information about exercise and sleep to give advice for healthier living. These examples show how data can make services more useful and personalized 13.

However, using personal data can cause privacy issues. Many companies sell data to advertising companies without clear permission. This leads to too many targeted ads that feel intrusive. Also, data breaches happen often. Hackers can steal credit card numbers or addresses if companies do not protect data well. A big example is Facebook in 2018, where data was leaked and used to influence elections. This makes people lose trust in technology 16.

Although data helps services, I think privacy is more important. Governments should make laws like the GDPR in Europe, which forces companies to ask for user permission before collecting data. Also, companies should give options to users to delete their data if they want. For instance, Apple now lets people stop apps from tracking them. These steps can protect privacy without stopping innovation 613.

In summary, collecting user data improves services but risks privacy. Strong laws and ethical practices are needed to balance both.

(Word Count: 258)

Why This Essay Scores Band 6.0

Based on IELTS band descriptors and examiner feedback from search results 1210:

1. Task Response (Band 6):
   • Addresses all parts of the prompt: discusses benefits, privacy concerns, and gives an opinion.
   • Supports ideas with relevant examples (e.g., Facebook, Netflix, GDPR).
   • Limitation: Examples are slightly generalized (e.g., “health apps” without specific names in some cases).
2. Coherence & Cohesion (Band 6):
   • Uses paragraphs logically: Introduction → Benefits → Problems → Opinion → Conclusion.
   • Basic linking words (Firstly, However, Also, Although) create clarity but are repetitive.
   • Weakness: Mechanical transitions (e.g., starting sentences with “Also,” “For example”).
3. Lexical Resource (Band 6):
   • Adequate topic vocabulary: data breaches, targeted ads, ethical practices.
   • Errors in word choice: invades privacy (better: violates privacy), give options (better: provide options).
   • Attempts less common terms (e.g., intrusive, innovation) with minor inaccuracies 210.
4. Grammatical Range (Band 6):
   • Mixes simple and complex sentences:
     • “Apps like Fitbit use information about exercise and sleep to give advice.” (simple)
     • “Although data helps services, I think privacy is more important.” (complex)
   • Noticeable errors:
     • “Hackers can steal… if companies do not protect data well.” (missing article: the data)
     • “A big example is Facebook in 2018, where data was leaked…” (awkward phrasing)